20 years ago, I was speeding down the street on the way to a friend’s house, literally speeding mind you. As I popped over the top of a hill a police car came the other way, saw me step on the brakes to slow down and did a 180. A few moments later the flashing lights came on and I got my first speeding ticket. A few weeks later I’m in a packed courtroom to deal with the ticket and across the way I see this beautiful girl I went to school with, but who never gave me the time of day. The judge sentenced all minors who sped to Defensive Driving in lieu of paying the fine and I hoped that the beautiful girl would be in the same class as me so I could ask her out. She was and I did and we went. Six years to the day of our Defensive Driving class, we got married.

So here I’ve spent over half of my life with this woman and I can truly say that I’m blessed. I can also say that I learned a lot about balance from her and she from me. I remember our struggles with who did what housework during the early years of our marriage. I remember the ups and downs of dating for so long (her sister’s reply when Amy told her she was getting married? “It’s about time”). Mostly though, I remember creating this strong bond between us that I had never felt with anyone else. She is truly my better half and someone I can love unconditionally.

Like everyone, we had our share of ups and down, some brought on by ourselves and others by outside circumstances.  The issues we brought on ourselves tended to be relatively minor (although sometimes they did not seem so at the time), other than division of responsibilities, painting the interior of the house, and the installing of the ceiling fan, they all quickly subsided. On those last three issues, we learned more about each other and improved our problem solving skills.

External issues became more difficult to get through but one of the things I love about Amy is that when such a situation arises, we bond together strongly and deal with the issue. Minor issues, like broken air conditioners and car repairs, tended to create small blips. Larger issues, like an emergency appendectomy for Amy and four miscarriages while we tried to grow our family, took their toll on us. Still Amy and I are a team and it does not help either of us if we let these kinds of issues divide us.

So what are the top 5 things I learned from 20 years together?

First off that women don’t think like men, at all. Duh, I know but still it is important.

Women tend to want men to listen, not solve their problems.

Confronting an issue always resolves it quicker than hoping it will go away.

Change requires effort from both parties.

We are a team. It is the Dewey’s against the world and we need to bond together if we hope to win.

So, I’m happy today and you should be too. Not for me, although you can if you want to, but for you. You have plenty of milestones in your life and I’m sure one is coming up now. Celebrate the success you’ve had, the things you’ve learned, and the joy you’ve experienced.