So my youngest one just turned three. It is amazing how much changes in such a short time for him and how independent he is growing. It is also funny to see what happens when something doesn’t go his way. He immediately gets frustrated and starts yelling “No!” I tell him to calm down and either solve it or show him how to solve it. It still takes him a few moments to reign his emotions back in, however. He is only three and that is how most three year-olds are.

And yet, I wonder if this is something that we actually don’t ever grow out of. This demand for immediate satisfaction and our reaction when we don’t get it seems part of the American culture. Think about driving down the road. If someone cuts in front of you your immediate reaction is probably one of anger and possibly getting even. A moment’s reflection should show that ultimately, you are only temporarily inconvenienced and shortly the issue will resolve itself. Yet still your emotions flare at this perceived affront to you.

I have a friend who is terrible about long-term planning. Everything he does is for a short-term gain. He also tends to have unrealistic expectation about how things should be. Consequently he is often frustrated and disappointed because “things never go his way.” Of course they never go his way, because he tends to see things through self-centered eyes. He could lower his entire frustration, and stress, level with a little forward planning and rational thinking.

Of course, I’m not immune to such thinking either, although I’ve worked quite hard on it. Certain things just push my buttons and I immediately start to rage inside. It takes me a few moments to calm down and flush the adrenaline out of my system and I try not to take an action until then, so my response can be much more rational.

Here is a perfect example of lesson learned on my part. I have a message from my father on my answering machine to call him. It sounded urgent so I picked up the phone and dialed his long-distance number. MCI tells me I can’t and I need to talk to customer service. So I do and they say since a bill they sent me was returned to them, they cut off my service, ignoring the fact that I had paid every bill on time up till then and obviously never received that bill. Fine, the problem is that to reinstate my service is a long procedure and I’ll not get my long distance access until the next day. Annoying, but I have a calling card. Well the next day my service still isn’t working, so I call back. They tell me the same thing and that I should have service the next day. The next day rolls around and still no long distance. So I call them up and just start yelling at the guy on the phone telling him that I want to cancel my service and that they close my account since they obviously can’t figure it out. He doesn’t argue with me, he just says ok.

Fast forward a few weeks and suddenly I receive a bill for last month’s service and now this month’s service, which I had supposedly cancelled. I call them back again, but this time I am calm and pleasant on the phone. The lady I talk to takes care of my issue and closes my account for real this time. Granted I was frustrated with their service, but I let my short-term thinking take over when I yelled at the guy, which resulted in me having to once again make my request. When I did in a calm fashion, my long-term thinking had taken over and I received the desired result.

Now it is not easy to suppress that immediate urge to throw up your hands and start yelling, but when you can, I feel it leads to much less stress in your daily life.