I have always been a dork. It has taken years for me to realize this, but unfortunately it is true. As much as I’d like to be as cool and debonair as James Bond, there will always be that sliver of dorkiness in me that prevents a complete transformation. So then it should come as no shock that for a period of years I enjoyed dressing up in medieval garb and beating on other like-minded fools with padded PVC swords and spears. Truthfully, it was very fun and it had a profound impact on my life, but that is a discussion for a different post. Suffice it to say that for many years, you could find me at a city park on Saturday afternoon engaging in mock battles with 50 or 100 others. It was quite a spectacle (if you want to see what it is about, check out www.melee.org).

Now the rules of the game were pretty simple. Primary rule was you don’t aim for the head, neck, or privates. The second rule that when you are hit by a weapon, you try and react as if it were real. If you were struck in the leg by a sword, you fall to the ground. If you were stabbed in the chest by a spear, you died, etc. You were on your honor to play correctly. To help keep everyone honest, there were field judges, called arbitrators, that had the authority to rule you were wounded or take you out of the fight completely. Overall, it was a system that worked but it could be easily abused.

So imagine this. About 50 boys and men (there were some women but typically the ratio of male to female was very high) from late high school up to middle age are roaming around a city park. Each battle had certain rules so there might be teams or it may be every man for himself. Soon small battles happen and people duck in out trying to parry incoming attacks and land a telling blow. Soon the park is littered with fallen people, lying there dead while the remaining survivors look for their next target. The battle finally finishes, everyone gets up and regroups for the next fight.

At least that how it usually goes. Of course when you have 50 mostly college age people running around and hitting each other, personalities are strong and tempers can flare. Typically everyone belongs to one of the many teams (called factions). The greatest battles are the faction battles where the teams compete against each other to see who the best is. During these battles it can be very frustrating when you see someone who clearly should be dead still running around, especially if you are the one who landed the blow. Similarly nothing is more infuriating than squaring up against an opponent when suddenly you get whacked from behind by a “backstabber.” That is an instant kill. Or perhaps somebody hauls off and clocks you in the head, dazing you for a moment. Sure it was an accident, but still.

I often had a hard time dealing with my emotions and feelings on the battlefield. I would get so angry and frustrated over perceived injustices that I would carry grudges for months, years even. If there was someone who I felt didn’t “take their hits” I’d purposefully swing harder. I’d try and alienate them or persuade the arbitrators to pay closer attention to them. Worse yet, I was in the “inner circle” as it were. The group that created the game and basically ruled over it were all friends of mine, and I was part of that inner circle as well. In a nutshell my behavior was childish and very middle-school.

Of course that was pretty much the way most people behaved. There were a few out there that just came out to play and hang out with their friends, but there were plenty more out there that this MEANT something. I mean you put your blood and sweat into this group and here are other people that are just ruining it.

And here is where I look back and shake my head. It was fun and there were great people out there to spend time with and that was what it really meant. Not whose faction was on top or who was most liked. It was about a group of people spending shared interests. And shame on me for never realizing it.

Every so often, I go back out to the field where Melee is still being played, twenty years later. I see the people out there and notice that the feelings they are having are the same that I had years ago. I’d like to think that now I’m much more balanced and that what bothered me before would not bother me now but I’m not quite sure. On the one hand, I’m much more grounded now and see that in the long term, it just doesn’t matter. On the other hand, I’m not sure what old feelings would be stirred up. Perhaps a test is in order?

So how does this apply to you? We all have times in our past when we acted in ways we wish we hadn’t. So if you were faced with the same situation today, would you react the same way? If so, it may be time to analyze why that is and realize that someone else cannot make you act a certain way. You are ultimately responsible for your reactions. So if adjustments need to be made, now is the time.