Yesterday was Hope’s first day of school in first grade. I took the day off from work and we made a big day of it. We took her to school, had lunch with her, and picked her up afterwards. She had a lot of fun and is excited about the new year. It reminded me of what first days of school were like. Every year you had to face this large unknown all by yourself. What would your teacher be like, who would be in your classes, would you have friends to sit next to at lunch? I can remember feeling the stress and nervousness of so many unknowns. I thought about how we rarely experience that in adulthood, the closest thing being starting a new job. It is almost too bad as we lose the ability to adapt over time.

For me the first day on a new job is an incredibly stressful experience. I’m not sure why it started that way, but for every job I’ve ever had that first day is preceded by a night of near sleeplessness. By the time I get into the workplace I’m frazzled and fear I’ve made a terrible mistake. Why would I think that I could perform this task? What kind of draconian policies would the work place have? What if everyone there is a back stabber? Obviously, I over react, but even knowing that does not keep it from happening.

Contrast that with school. I remember a few “first days” and while I was a little uncomfortable, I never had the dread that I do know. Later in high school and then in college the teachers would hand out a syllabus at the beginning and tell us what the coming semester would be like. Invariably there would be some things that looked hard but I learned that rarely is the class as difficult as the syllabus would lead you to believe. By the time college rolled around, I was used to five or six new classes each semester, let alone each year, and I rolled with those changes.

But after I left college, I felt like I lost that ability. Part of it had to do with the fact that the stakes were much higher. If I bombed out in college, I could take the course again. If I bombed out at the office, I’d lose my ability to earn a wage for a period of time. Clearly higher stakes.

I later discovered another, probably more telling, reason for my first day at work jitters. There is a book called “For Women Only” that surveyed a bunch of men to get down to how they think. The author then presented this information in a way women would better understand to clarify how differently the two sexes think and explain to women what it all means (there is a corresponding book called “For Men Only” that does the reverse and even includes a handy flowchart since men are visual). Anyway, Amy read it and she wanted me to read it to confirm that yes I do think that way. One of the things that came out of the survey was most men are afraid of being “found out” at the office that they don’t know what they are doing. When I say most, I mean over three-quarters of those surveyed.

This spoke to me, because my whole career I keep thinking that one day, my boss will come to work and realize I have no clue about what I’m doing. Now the really odd thing here is that I’m pretty skilled and competent in what I do, yet there are always new challenges that I must face and I often wonder if this is the one that reveals me for the fraud I am. How relieved I was to know that I wasn’t the only one to have those thoughts. Even the highest ranking people in companies are forced to deal with this self-doubt. The trick is how you respond to the pressure. You can either fight or flee.

The majority of men fight. They determine the best strategy and move forward. They may fail or reach sub-optimum results, but as long as they are moving forward, they are at least growing. Some those choose to hide. If you are one of these people, it is time to stop hiding. Have you been doing the same thing for years on end because you are afraid of what would happen if you tried something else? If so, it is time to become brave and step out. Realize that you possess skills and the ability to think critically. Do not be ashamed to ask for help and simply do your best. You might fail, but even in failure you learn. So today is the day. Take a chance.