Have you ever been involved in running a group and things turn very political very quickly? Suddenly you are going from deciding the course of the group to breaking into factions and choosing sides. One group does something, the other responds. Both sides woo the neutral parties to their side and try to manipulate things in their favor. Soon, what is best for the organization is long forgotten and instead everyone is fighting for what is best for them. “The feuds are vicious because the stakes are so low” is a quote often attributed to this situation. It is certainly not a fun place to be, but what can you do about it?

I’ve been in groups with this kind of in fighting and you constantly hear about others. Board of Directors, school boards, city boards, charity boards, PTA, and church groups, all have broken down in faction-based squabbles. These arguments can easily consume you and greatly lower your quality of life, and for what? I know the times I was involved in these kinds of things, just the thought of what was going on or what was said would raise my blood pressure. I’d be busy doing something else entirely but an errant thought would enter my mind and I would actually get angry at someone who wasn’t even there. It is a very powerless feeling because someone is indirectly causing a negative reaction in you. Clearly it is time to take control.

So what are your options? First off you can always get out. This is a difficult decision, especially if the group is something you believe strongly in. Ultimately you decide the grief and stress caused by being on this board is not worth it and you just step way, typically from the group entirely. It is a sad state and many groups have lost their best members due to this situation, but ultimately, you need to do what is best for you. Simply put, those people are not worth your time and effort. Take a break, recharge, and find another group that would value your input.

But what if the group is important, like a school board or local city council? You could just walk away, but they will still impact your life much more than if your knitting club imploded. Well at this point you need to determine how far you are willing to go. Is the issue important enough to focus the next six months to a year on, because these problems rarely go away quickly? It may take running for a board position yourself or backing a candidate and stumping for votes to finally solve the problem. If you cannot dedicate that much time and energy, perhaps you can form a group that can divide the work up so that individually everyone has a more digestible amount to do.

Finally, it may take direct confrontation. This can easily backfire on you so be certain of your position. One thing I have observed is that in incidents like this there is the tendency to be polite and courteous to the face of the faction you are at odds with but behind the scenes work as hard as possible to undermine and discredit them. This passive-aggressive behavior is often due to people’s general fear of conflict and confrontation. In this case, cut through this and go straight to the point. It will make for a long and uncomfortable meeting, especially if the meeting is open to the public or general membership. Refuse to concede a point or table a discussion. Point out that this is destroying the group and a compromise needs to be worked out right now.  By forcing a confrontation, you can get this out of the way and let the group continue on in their goal. As a side benefit, you will be more prepared since you know this is coming.

It is never a fun thing to deal with conflict in a group but your life is worth more than quibbling over these little tempests in teapots. Drop out, position yourself, or confront. At the end of it all, you will be able to move on with your life and enjoy it much more than those still bitterly hanging on to the very end. Thoughts?