I’ve always been a “nice guy.” There is a comment lament, one I’ve said myself, that the good-looking girls always go for the jerks and leave the nice guy out in the dust. While there is truth to it, it took me years to realize that the girl that goes for the jerk is not the girl I would be happy with. Also I just cannot be a jerk; it is not in my nature. There is also an image that nice guys get hosed in life by those not as nice. They get bad deals at the car lot, settle for mediocre service, and are easily intimidated. The problem with this is the fact that people confuse being nice with being passive; not wanting to offend. The two are definitely not equal and you can certainly be a nice guy but not a pushover. As the great philosopher Patrick Swayze says in the movie Roadhouse “Be nice until it is time to not be nice.”

So I’ve been reading a book about how to cheat at poker. I’m doing research for a novel I’m working on and this is one of many I’ve been going through. So the first few chapters of the book, the author gives you the basics on how to cheat; dealing from the bottom of the deck, marking cards, stealing from the pot, etc. His basic Modus Operands is he comes into town and hangs out at places like Country Clubs and such to find where the profitable home games are. He works his way into those games and cheats them out of money for a couple of weeks. After that he burns the game and moves on to another town to do the same.

Throughout the book he talks about how you can never tell anybody that you cheat at poker because word gets around. He knows he’s a cheat and a thief and never tries to live up to anything more. He talks about stealing money or items from the home where the game is being played, cheating with the spouse of the host, setting people up so you can get away if things go south, scamming strippers for a few hundred bucks, etc. Basically he is a despicable person and only gets what he wants through lying, cheating, and stealing. Obviously not a nice guy.

I got the information I needed for my research early in the book but I ended up reading the whole thing because this lifestyle was so alien to me, and ultimately very sad. I mean this guy here has made millions of dollars cheating and stealing, but what kind of life does he have? He has no home and is constantly on the move lest his past catch up with him. His only emotional contact with women is either through a cheating spouse or prostitutes. He apparently has a venereal disease, and no one to share anything with. According to the book’s author, the author owed the cheat for showing him how to cheat and years later the cheater had the author write the book. And assume all the tax liabilities for the profits. A hollow life indeed.

When you contrast that kind of life style to that of a nice guy, the difference in stress levels is amazing. I never worry about someone I cheated finding out and hurting me. There is a whole chapter on what to do if you get caught, which includes how to take a beating. That chapter alone made me glad to be me. Again, realize that being nice is not being a pushover. If you are wronged or placed at a disadvantage, take all of the appropriate steps to rectify the situation. I have found that being nice but firm during these situations tends to bring out a more positive result than being abusive and angry.

So embrace your inner niceness. It is not the liability that the media makes it out to be and realize that the majority of the people you meet are nice too. I believe your life will be smoother because of it. As an aside, as women get older they tend to shun the bad boy and go with the nice guy so there is hope there as well.